Green Onion Science Report: New Study Shows Open Door is Source of Thermal Discomfort

MISSOULA – Researchers from the University of Montana reported in the school’s quarterly “Whodathunkit” science magazine, released earlier this week, that a previously overlooked domicile transitory function may be the missing link needed to answer the persistent question: W-w-w-why is it so c-c-cold in here?” (emphasis added).  “To be honest, we were more concerned with…

Celebrations Persist as Green Onion Editor Steps Down

MISSOULA – The University district was abuzz last Saturday as residents celebrated the upcoming retirement of M.C. Donough, close relative of ex-poet P.J. Donough and current Editor-in-Chief of the Green Onion.  Staff were so relieved at the announcement, reports intern and resident Backhouse Bumpkin Mara O’Mara, that the entire FLAT and dozens of supporters took…