Green Onion Exclusive: Local D.O.V. to Replace Woods as FLAT Beard-In-Residence

MISSOULA – FLAT officials announced earlier this week that M. Woods, long-time resident and go-to man for items on high shelves, will be resigning his post this year effective December 24.  “He will be sorely missed,” commented Boss Griffith in an official statement Wednesday evening.  “He was a valuable asset to this community and well-liked…

University Residents Charged with Human Rights Violation

MISSOULA – In a surprise turn of events, long-time sustainability advocates and residents of the UM COOP were detained by campus police this weekend on charges of “violating basic human rights,” reported local officials.  COOP residents have claimed no knowledge of any violations and have demanded immediate release. Police claim that the call came from a neighbor…

by Boss Griffith

Smelly Soul Curd “Eating sprouted beans Living food; a body’s boon But soul – S.O.L.”

Local “Beans” Poet Ridiculed, Forced to Resign

MISSOULA – Public outcry over a poem that appeared recently in the FLATimes reached new extremes this week when Boss Griffith demanded an apology and revision from the poem’s author.  “Beans Beans Beans!,” written by FLAT poet-in-residence, P.J. Donough, appeared in last week’s Special Wednesday Poem Edition, sparking vigorous debate over the value of vegetable-related…

Beans Beans Beans!

Kate came to me with a request To write about, at her behest A strange little jar That hangs not too far From the window, secure in its nest. “They’re BEANS!” she exclaimed with delight So earnest it gave me a fright But beans they sure were A little green blur Positioned to catch all…

New FLAT Experiment Kitchen: Off with a Bang

At last, the UM FLAT experimental kitchen has kicked off with its inaugural venison cookout!  We will periodically bring you our latest and greatest recipes from great local chefs like Nick “Bumper” Triolo and Kate “The Hair” Stanley.  A former member of the Bay Area Roadkill Federation and current chef-in-residence at the FLAT, Mr. Triolo…