FLAT Fall Film Series Begins Next Tuesday!

envirofilmfestposterfinalWe are excited to announce that the FLAT will be starting its fall film series next week, and you won’t want to miss this year’s lineup! All films begin at 7:30 pm in the studio; we will have tea, snacks, and guest faculty to lead a brief discussion after each film for those who are interested. Donations are welcome!

GMO OMG Tuesday, October 7

Site and trailer here.

Damnation Thursday, November 13

Site and trailer here.

Momenta Thursday, December 4

Site and trailer here.

We hope to see you there!

(The FLAT is located at 633 S. 5th St. E., one block west of the University)

New Poll Finds 17% of Residents Self-Identify as “Cold”


One in Six residents self identify as cold, according to the latest FLAT poll

MISSOULA – A recent poll published by the local think-tank, FLAT (Forum for Learning Absolutely Tiddly-twat), found that roughly two in twelve residents consider themselves cold. FLAT statisticians studied the results from the six participants surveyed and found that “the trends are clearer than we expected. When we started this study in July we predicted a lower rate of self-identified “cold” people, so this raises some serious questions about the direction in which our society is headed” conferred lead investigator Dr. Lau, a respected researcher in the area.

The trends to which he refers, of course, are the lifestyle choices of local residents, particularly between the ages of 20 and 34. “It’s a lifestyle that many may find upsetting,” Lau says, “particularly among conservatives.”

Critics of the recent study have noted several misleading aspects of the poll. “If you look closely at the data, you can see some inconsistencies between the participants” notes Green Onion contributor and long-time advocate of appropriate attire, K. Stanley. “The 17% self-identifying as cold also happen to live in the basement, which the study failed to take into account.” Also, according to Stanley, the 17% is inflated from 16.67%, “a far more reasonable estimate” of the portion of residents claiming the cold lifestyle as their own.

Lau continues to stand by his team’s results, noting that “while there is certainly need for further study, the trends seen here are alarming enough to warrant concern.” Indeed, with a change from 0% to 16.67% of the population, the dramatic increase in the number of cold Americans in the three short months from July to October outpaces that of Ebola and the socks-with-sandals fashion combined.

“We can’t just ignore this,” says Lau. If trends continue, Lau’s team predicts, the number of cold Americans could double by December.

Winter is Coming


In the great FLATland

There was some dead grass

And an old rubber band

And a sweaty garden hand

And there were four little chicks pooping on bricks

And a million plums

And a FLATfull of bums

And a grimy house

And a little dead mouse

And a hotbox and a press

And no less

Than a FLAT director whispering “we gotta do something about this mess…”


Goodnight FLATland

Goodnight dead grass

Goodbye old rubber band

Happy bathing, garden hand

Goodnight chicks

Sorry, bricks

Hello plums

Eat up, bums

Looking better, house

Spatula that mouse

Farewell hotbox and curse you, press

And late but not less

Goodnight FLAT director whispering “we sure cleaned up that mess!”

Later, studio dust

Goodbye compost heap

Goodbye all the stuff we couldn’t keep

-An unoriginal poem by FLAT poet-in-residence, M.C. Donough

One Year Later, FLAT Secures Food Source

MISSOULA – Since the dawn of the FLAT’s most recent era almost one year ago, during which the Green Onion and the ever-popular “What’s Kate Putting in Her Mouth Now?” series both made their debuts, FLAT residents have subsisted on back yard pickings, various basement rodents and insects, and occasional donations from friends during so-called pot-lucks. Their monk-like emaciation has become almost synonymous with the FLAT, but all that may be coming to a fast end with the addition of their newest FLATmate.

Kara G.B. Colovich (figure 1) appeared late this past August amid mysterious circumstances in which Kate “The Hair” Stanley was suddenly and inexplicably moved into the property’s confinement ironically referred to as “The Cottage.” After quietly establishing her presence with the help of an unknown family member, Colovich joined the rest of the FLAT on their annual fall retreat to a cabin near Rock Creek.


Figure 1: Kara G.B. Colovich acquires much-needed food for her famished FLATmates. Colovich declined to respond to questions about her license.

“We really didn’t know what to do with her,” explained Lick Freeolo. “She was nice enough, but she was always making these long-distance phone calls to someone she only referred to as her ‘cousin.'” But on their first afternoon out, during which FLAT DJ Emcee Donough reportedly scrounged peanut butter sandwiches from the trash bins, Colovich produced a long pole-shaped object and fake insects, waded into Rock Creek, and produced a fish.

“I think it goes without saying,” acknowledged FLAT director and resident DOV, “that she may have changed the FLAT forever.” Since their retreat over the holiday weekend, residents have been showing signs of significant physical development. Deer populations in the area have begun to dwindle, some think as a direct result of the residents’ newly acquired survival tactics, and maps of the Ukraine have been reported replacing the FLAT’s National Geographic archives.

Responding to inquiries, residents have assured reporters that it is merely coincidence.

UM COOP Unveils Williams Tribute

MISSOULA – After an uneventful summer, COOP director Boss Frida K. announced this past week the unveiling of the COOP’s own tribute to the COOP’s favorite avian actor, Robin Williams. “We were floored when we heard the news, I just can’t believe this happened,” confided Frida. “Amelia E. has been roosting nonstop since she heard, and the others have been running around like, well, you know what.”
Ever since last year’s sensation around the COOP’s use of forced human labor, the Hens have become known their for unconventional displays of emotion. This week’s move by COOP public outreach coordinator, Jeanette R., is no exception.

“Our favorite film has always been Mrs. Doubtfire; we’ve always been proud of the scene where Williams liberates the animals from the petting zoo,” explained Jeanette. “Then this just sort of fell in our nests.”
Cleopatra, one of the six original hens, is actually more of a Mark Antony. “We thought she was just quiet, and that the large comb on her head was just a sign of good circulation,” explained Frida. “But it turns out that she is actually a he.”
Rather than ruffle their feathers, however, the news came as cause for celebration. The five remaining residents of the COOP pitched in to send Mark Antony, who has been nick-named Mrs. Doubtfire, to a farm upstate where he can have a better life free of city rooster regulations and enforcement, “except that it really is a farm upstate,” explained Amelia, “not the farm upstate where your pet dog ended up.”
The COOP has not yet announced plans to replace Cleopatra, but there have been rumors of acquiring one Audrey H.

*CORRECTION: In the August 17 post titled “COOP Unveils Williams Tribute” it was noted that Cleopatra has been dubbed either Mark Antony or Mrs. Doubtfire; in addition Cleopatra’s new owner has renamed him Ford, to be a companion to two other displaced roosters Chevy and Dodge.

Insights from the Interns

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I know we are all excited to be finishing up our spring semesters, but before you go make sure to check out all the work that has been done over at the UM FLAT. After a long winter and busy spring we are proud to announce the completion of our Native Plant Garden!

Over the course of the semester, and under the supervision of Mara Menhan, Aimee Kelley and myself have been exploring the basics of urban design and sustainability through the planning and implantation of a native plant garden.

From the basics of nature journaling, to the principles of garden design, our sketches became more detailed and site maps more realistic. After weeks waiting for the snow to melt and determining species appropriate to the constraints of the space (such as sunlight and soil type), we were finally able to finalize details and begin the ordering process.
At the Fifth Annual Earth Day Celebration BBQ we revealed a small portion of the work that had been taking place over the past few months. Four distinct plots were created- each specific to the conditions of the space and a representation of a Montana environment: such as our classic understory plants in Plot 1.

Screen Shot 2014-05-13 at 8.37.04 AMBy creating inviting pathways throughout the space, foot traffic is now better directed to designated areas such as the studio, back house and garden. A welcoming slate path laid through Plot 4 provides access to the garden, main event space, and the newly built chicken run. Each plot was defined by lining the beds with river rocks and to ensure our dainty plants retain moisture, wood chips were used to subside weeds. With the support of the FLAT mates, and help from students, faculty, and community members our designs became a reality.

Thanks to Claire Emery, my nature journaling developed into more detailed and focused sketches. I began to concentrate not only on the specimen but the place from which it came. By including details such as time, and temperature, and asking questions about the place, I was better able to recall specifics later on. Experimenting with different mediums, such as using shading to create tone, and using repetition to create texture, my sketches more realistic and appealing. Included is an exercise done with Claire, as well as a sketch prior to the workshop, and one using some of the suggested techniques.

With the help of Kelly Chadwick we had a better understanding of the extensive work that is required to prepare an area for landscaping. Understanding the desired usage and maintenance of the space impacted our initial designs, and made us reevaluate the species we chose; taking into account texture, repetition, definition, competition, pollination, and the overall aesthetic flow of the space.

After extensive research, we took our finalized species list to Marilyn Marlar to confirm the plants we had chosen were viable, available and worked well in the desired space, prior to ordering.

The backyard may have changed but the mission of the FLAT remains. So come check out the new Native Plant Garden, cuddle some chickens, meet some new faces, and finish the semester strong!

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(Pictured above is map of the backyard with Plot 1,2,3 and 4 outlined. The beds became more natural and less rigid once lined with river rock.)

Written by: Sophie Hainline
Photos: Mara Menahan

Photo Essay: UM FLAT Year in Review


One year. One full academic year at the FLAT. What a journey it’s been. The ups. The downs. The laughter and the tears. The activities and the quiet, the heat and the blizzards. The UM FLAT, in it’s fifth official year, made moves. It was a year of action, of community-building, and of fun. Lots of it. Peep our photo essay below from some of the highlights, to give you an idea of what the FLAT was up to. You build a community of intention, action and support, and you change the world. Simple.


EVST Orientation. New students arrived to the FLAT to meet each other and faculty, to start their new academic journey.


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